All I want is to go back to bed. It’s 7am. My mouth is dry, and 500 words feel like a small mountain. Beach Bunny’s “Prom Queen” plays in the background. I bought these sunglasses yesterday that make me look like the cocaine godmother. I’m not mad.
I drive to Vermont in 17 days. 6 hour drive. After watching episodes of Lovecraft Country, that doesn’t seem so bad. More things lead to stress. More things lead to maintenance, time, and energy. I wonder what it feels like to feel unscattered. High school was like that. Before blackberries came out. If you don’t come down from the fast right, you may as well wait another day to come down at all, otherwise you’re in for a world of hurt, 17 hours was the time I fasted yesterday. I broke my fast with french vanilla flavored coffee soda. The more you have the more you need to clean, the less time you’ll spend on other things. I’ll send back the akai keyboard and recorder. Where is my simple phone? How do you back up voice memos on your phone to your computer? I’ll switch the instruments for that cordless keyboard and see if I can take the one I have now back to the store under warrantee. Microworld is its name. “Teach me how to be okay…you should lower your beauty standards…” I need a clean way to carry things. Right now do I need to bring my keyboard? I think stripping down to the essentials will help reveal the urgency of necessity, like with budget but for things. It’s nothing worse than the shame of a purchase you didn’t need. I spent $200 on those glasses, an obvious luxury I spent $118 on 15 lbs. of pink rocks. What is it like being on a set? The sensation of popping a newly mounted pimple is unmatched. The things you try to justify buying or bringing you just end up giving more energy than you would naturally.